Sorry I'm late in replying. You're right. Trying to do a critique or play "devil's advocate" is hard. Wanted to put some thought into this, and it's still too long!
Here goes though. Just stuff I noticed.
1.)
Don't Trust People:
They will betray you, hurt you, or worse... They'll up and
die on you! What hurt could be more than the death of a friend or loved one? Yet we see it again and again.
Think I counted 4 NPCs who were orphans, lost a family member or parents, etc. How many times does "My Condolences" come up in dialogue?
2.)
Capt. Roccio:
She has to maintain order on a ship or sailors can get killed. Stowaways don't earn their keep. Maybe it's a maritime law. You earn your keep or if caught as a stowaway... Walk the plank!
So why doesn't she just kill PC as well?
Instead she says,
"Enjoy your new life."
What?
Really a stretch here, but is it Roccio at all?
Veiled Lady to PC's friend,
"You mistake my actions as saving you. Nothing personal, but I have a different reason, etc., etc."
Veiled Lady is sea Captain or manipulating sea captain?
You have to admit, tossing someone overboard and saying,
"Enjoy your new life" is a bit odd.
3.)
Betrayal and Loss:
a.) Starts with Leshari's partner who sells out to mercenaries. Lashari gets bumped off (a shame because I liked her potty mouth dialogue & great voice acting. Of all the NPC's she might be the most believable, or at least the one I related to the most.)
b.) Constantine... Super high level mage conveniently goes nuts? Uhm... Wouldn't he spot the symptoms of Arcane Madness and get the heck out of Dodge?
c.) Calia gets wounded and conveniently out of the picture.
d.) Yuslan Sha'Rim sells out or has been a puppet all along.
e.) Then there's Tealor. Did he ever have a chance? Not buying into the
"Pridefully saving my honor-- I'll go down in history as a savior" idea. What history? He's setting off some kind of H-Bomb. There won't
be any history! Of all of them, seems like Tealor got screwed over the most.
Summary:
Whole thing reminds me of a song from an old Rock band called Rush. Ever listen to their song,
"Freewill" ?
Here's chorus
---
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose freewill
---
Did Tealor, or
anyone ever really have freedom of choice? Tyranny and Predestination via some dreamed up "High Ones?"
I say "dreamed up" because that's the only explanation that makes sense to me. Whole thing is just final thoughts of a dying mind as it runs out of oxygen. A projection if you will...
Four graves at childhood home?
Constantine explains the "Masked Men" are a bunch of religious fanatics who are total morons when it comes to debate.
"The Gods said it. I believe it. And that's that! You can't reason with the unreasonable." Ha! Loved that one. (He's another likable NPC & a shame they wrote him out.)
Anyway, so these masked fanatics who murder farmers, their wives and innocent children...
...Also are very
nice fanatics who give their victims a proper burial complete with some all too handy marble tombstones.
The family was buried by the locals.
Maybe, but where do poor farmers get the cash to pay for marble grave markers?
Unless it's all just in the "prophet's" head-- his last moments among the living.
So yes! Bummer... That's a risky thing to do in writing. Has its flaws, but all stories do. That's why it's easy to play "What's it mean game" and poke holes in it.
Writing though. From my limited experience, that's-- excuse my language but there's no other way to say it.
Writing is damned hard work!
Nicolas (and others or maybe his editor) pulled it off though. Probably better than anything I've come up with as amateur Sci-Fi writer wannabe.
